This is my interpretation of what might have happened to Naomi Osaka, the female tennis player that withdrew from the French Open. Initially, she refused to talk to the press there. Then she was fined. Then she withdrew from the tourney. A grand slam event. One of the big four tennis tournaments, that people (historians) really care about. No offense to all the other tennis tournaments that aren’t as important.
This opinion piece is based on my own experience with therapy, and mental health issues, and is not fact. I realize, after four years of a Trump presidency, putting this out there, even with the warning that this might not have been what happened, won’t matter to some of you. But that’s even more important, why I am sharing this. You-depending on who you are- might believe anything you read. At least you are exposed to what I think.
When Naomi Osaka, announced she wouldn’t be available for an
interview after the French Open, because of Mental Health Issues, I was to be
honest disappointed. Then the French Open fined her, $15,000, and she withdrew
from the tournament. I was really disappointed. I don’t want to be dismissive of
mental health issues. But at the same time, both men and women, need for lack
of a better word, “balls.” Or assertiveness, or overcoming adversity. No one
tells the story of someone that doesn’t speak or avoids doing an important task.
First, let me tell you how-I think- it went down. Naomi to
her therapist. “I think I would do better in the tournament if I didn’t have to
talk to the press.” Therapist: “what would happen if you refused to talk to the
press? That sounds like a good boundary you could put up.”
Therapists for some
reason, usually tell you to be more selfish. As if most of the problems, we
cause ourselves, is that we are not selfish, enough. I don’t know if that’s true,
I don’t think that’s true. Sure, for some people, that might be true, but
definitely not others. Some people might need to be selfish. Some might need
more balls. Balls to find out that the world is not the scary place they think
it is. If you never venture out, you’ll never discover, how fucking friendly, most
people are. Even in New York. They are just pretending to not care and not notice.
Its’ fucking New York, and people know how to act, when in New York. It doesn’t
mean anything. Just like being friendly in certain parts of the country, don’t
mean anything. Although in the Midwest, they generally do.
But that’s what
therapists do. For the most part they tell you to be more selfish. Maybe not in
couples therapy, but definitely in individual therapy. “You don’t want to talk
to the press?,” well, “you-he or she will suggest-can refuse to talk to the press.”
Obviously for Naomi, talking to the press was difficult. So
instead of the therapist, saying, “Why do you find talking to the press difficult?”
and getting to the root cause of this. Maybe it is perfectionism. Maybe she
thinks she’s hiding something. And by not putting herself out there, and discovering,
that people accept people as who they are, for the most part. Especially successful
female athletes. And while it is tough for Naomi to talk to the press, maybe that’s
exactly why she needs to do it. People don’t write stories or make tv shows or
movies, about people that avoid difficult things. We write stories and honor
those, who do difficult things. And if Naomi finds talking to the press, more
difficult than winning tennis matches. Maybe she should focus on that. Maybe
even practice that. Maybe she is a good tennis player, but g-d’s plan for her
is to be a tennis commentator or a politician. And if she avoids talking to the
press, that will never happen.
The therapist- again I’m projecting here- chose to help her
avoid her “difficulty” instead of facing it. And yes, I’m blaming the imaginary
therapist, that might not really exist for Naomi’s decision.
But if you don’t put yourself out there and do the difficult
thing, you won’t grow. You’ll just get
stuck. Maybe that’s why the therapist suggested that-avoiding the press, as opposed
to investigate why Naomi didn’t like talking to the press. Did she practice talking
to the press? maybe she should. Maybe the therapist could get at the root of
why Naomi was so uncomfortable, and let her know that it is ok to be awkward-occasionally,
that she didn’t have to be perfect.
Because-maybe secretly and subconsciously- the therapist
gave her that advice, didn’t truly really want to help Naomi, because the therapist
was afraid of losing her as a patient. And if you give too good of advice as a
therapist, your patients will realize they don’t mostly don’t need therapy,
they often just need “balls”. And you’ll (the therapist if you do a good job of
helping people find theirs) will have to find more new patients.
I think it is important to acknowledge that things are difficult or unpleasant. But those difficult and unpleasant tasks, still need to be done. I get it. Talking to the press, especially with language barriers is hard. But it is something that professional athletes, need to do. It’s part of the “job.” And avoiding that doesn’t make you brave.
At least people want to hear you
speak. So speak! Be brave, Naomi! Because that’s what the world needs. Not another
avoider of facing our own problems- like lots of people, so I project.
Signing off,
GCNOF
