Ok. let me get this out in the open. I have a conflict. I am doing more and more observant things as a Jew. I put on tefillin almost every morning. I go to Synogogue about twice a month. I generally observe the shabbath. ok, I am not right now it's Friday night/Saturday morning right now, and I shouldn't be writing, but often...
but I have neglected the normal things I use to do to keep, well, sane. For example, I use to go on Wednesdays to the NAMI support groups (support groups for people with serious mental and emotional problems). Emotionally it did wonders for me. Listening to other people's severe mental or emotional problems, sharing my own problems and helping each other created a nice support group. real connections. I would bring in a reference to "Fight Club", but I am not a phony and while the movie didn't necessarily make a mockery of those support groups. general consensus, may be otherwise.
For example, tell me that you are so in need of "real" human contact, that you go to support groups of which you don't suffer the problem, just to feel connected. I wonder how common that that is in our internet society. I would love to hear from you if you do that and whether eventually you told your friends from the support group that you were actually in it just to make friends. (side note) I bet everyone that goes to the Porn Addiction support group is married and really has that problem. In all seriousness, I would never have the guts to show up to that one.
Back to my support group, I felt a real connection to the people at NAMI. We had or were going through similar experiences, which often included flunking out of school, losing jobs and destroying relationships. We were bonding because we were sharing our weaknesses. I'm emphasizing this point, because, now on Wednesdays I go to Torah study, and we just don't share our weaknesses. In fact, we kinda of just show our strength (intellectually speaking). We learn from a great rabbi, but we don't bond in the same way. These are great people that I am learning with and becoming friends with, just for me the connection doesn't quite seem real.
You might say, and Hilary Duff is reported to have said similar things about Holden Caulfield, that actually I am the phony. You might think the Duff is a bad example, but who knows phoniness better than an actor or actress. A better line would be: who knows phoniness better than a bad actor or actress. but I didn't, originally, go there. it sounds like a John Irving line, no?
so, maybe I should junk the book learning and share and learn from my real life suffering. real problems. Not that book learning is wrong. It's just nothing compares to real experience and the real emotional connection produced by traumatic events.
of course, I've made some new friends from the torah study. but I still feel a little fake there. maybe I'm just doing it for the friends.
4 comments:
Is there either a NAMI or a Torah meeting that is not on Wednesdays? Maybe you problem is more logisitcal than philosophical. Seriously though, I think both kinds of connection are equally important.
In Edward Norton's case, it was he who was insincere, not the Group. And as far as the vailidity of bonding over intellectual one-up-manship, well, that's was what most male bonding is like. Your're trying to best them in physical competition, take their money, kill a larger fish, out-drink them, or in the case of schuel, out-think them, but I definately wouldn't say it isn't real because it isn't "touchy-feely". The real question is what do you feel is mopst valuable to you right now?
NAMBLA? Aren't you they guys who got kicked out of the Public Library? Damn Neo-fascists!
well, I guess I never learned the whole one-up-man-ship male bonding. maybe I would have learned that had I not be held back in kindergarden, so that I was the oldest kid in the grade. I'll give the whole competition thing a try and not try to hold back as much in the torah discussion, maybe that will help me feel more real.
And my reference to support groups, was not that support groups are insincere. or even people that go to support groups just for friends are insincere. remember, I've actually been to quite a few of them. I was just trying to be funny.
also both events are on Wednesday, i could go to a torah study on Monday, but Mondays are trivia nights at an Irish pub.
I see your problem with the Monday Trivia Nights. How are you doing with that? I bet you are really good. With moving to Bloomington and Sarah tea-totaling, I haven't been to one of those in a while.
In my post I meant to communicate that I agree with you, support groups are good, just also point out that competition is good too. I would say, when you go to Torah discussion let 'er rip, even if it means disagreement and even occasional belittling of others' ideas. You can't expect to get any where in a room full of Jews by waiting your turn to speak.
Post a Comment