Torah Scholar Pretender

Hey, a delay in the four part series-

When things come out the wrong end. Part 3 will have to wait until the weekend.

I've got data to look at for a small consulting gig, so small that I probably wouldn't be talking about it, if I had a real job. But since I don't... I'm busy crunching numbers for MLB (Major League Baseball). Ok, really a company that works for MLB. Still, it's top secret. Don't ask, because I can't tell.

About last weekend, does driving four hours to a New York suburban hotel in New Jersey and staying there for whole weekend, the best ski weekend on the East Coast this year, maybe this millennium ( with global warming and everything), ever make sense? GCNOF (that's me). found out.

On Friday, I rode in a PT Cruiser, in traffic with all the other A-Holes, leaving DC on a Friday afternoon to get away from a city, which definitely needs getting away from. we drove up over the Delaware Memorial Bridge through the New Jersey turnpike and got off at Exit 9, to stay at the Hilton of East Brunswick or New Brunswick, I'm not sure. we were 100 yards from the highway, it was cold. We were in the hotel the whole time. I sure hope we weren't somewhere interesting, because it would have been wasted on us.

We were four thirty-something males, in search of a religious retreat. The company, Gateways, puts on this religious revivals, that to be honest, made me think, my religion was not that different from that other Judeo-Christian religion, because they seemed to be selling the religion. My general take is that my religion doesn't and can't be sold, I'm either in or out. As I'm going on a retreat, I'm already in, don't sell me, help me, educate me. Overall, the rabbis were talented, well except for the physicist would believe in Creationism.

People aren't so stupid to think that because you are a great physicist, you know evolution. That's like expecting a biologist to come up with the theory of relativity or the name, date and type of rock that you found in a quarry. Get an evolutionary biologist to talk about why we should teach creationism and not evolution and am all ears. I might not be convinced, but at least I would listen, but a physicist, yeah right.

The other rabbis talked about happiness (be happy for what you have and quit whining for more, but go ahead and work for it anyway), shabbat and how you only have to honor your mother "and/or" father. It's really up to interpretation, you can choose one or the other, you don't have to do both. ok, I'm kidding, they didn't say that, they just pointed it out, that the word used in the commandment could be either "and" or "or."

Otherwise the lectures and the rabbis were entertaining; the food was amazing. you had to have some self control, though. there was a little too much of it. And the nondairy stuff, is hard to digest and may accidentally produce some methane gas, which has the potential to cause some embarrassment.

but the lectures, weren't as good as the torah study I go to on Wednesdays. in an hour today, we talked about humility, why we exist and what it takes to be a real jew, or rather factors that if one doesn't possess which will make one a fraudulent jew. You know to be a true jew, you have to believe in g-d, and believe in an afterlife, there are 11 other things you have to believe or do or you are not really a jew. (You can call yourself whatever you like, but G-d won't be protecting you) at least not as a jew, you'll get the gentile-issued protection.

I'm not sure about where I fall myself, which is why I titled this blog, the torah scholar pretender and no I am not just doing it for the girls, although I find myself very attracted to jewish women. they just seem hotter than average. the more religious the prettier. what a dilemma, a life of righteous virtue and a beautiful wife and no pepperoni pizza, meat lasagna and bacon cheeseburgers, observing all 613 mitzvahs, saying prayer three times a day and having to support up to ten kids or a homely gentile wife, eating anything you want, having 2.5 kids and praying it when you feel like it? I guess when I put it that way the decision is obvious.
Good night, Lila Tov.

For all those who are waiting, the continuation of the four-part series When Things Come Out The Wrong End will come out in my next blog.

Peace Out- GCNOF